ChildOfDumas

Some things happen in life that consume everything else. Sometimes it isn't even your life. You can do everything right, have everything in its proper place. Things can still happen. Because, no matter how hard you try, there are over seven billion other lives on this planet and every single one affects your existence. For the most part, you're ignorant to their influence, and get to go about your business with some amount of control. Then, there are the times those lives smack you right in the face. Everything crumbles. You fall. You bleed. And you never gave a reason for it to happen.

Bad things happen to good people, and bad people get what's coming to them. But what about the innocent bystanders. While Superman and Zod are duking it out in the skies overhead, what about the people who get buried in the buildings? When cops chase a suspect through the streets, what happens to the family whose building the suspect smashes into?

I didn't get buried by a building or my home destroyed by some stray car. I'm just an innocent bystander in someone else's movie.

It's taken two months for me to get to a place of sanity again. Well, my level of sanity. There are people I disappeared from, friends I stopped talking to, projects I abandoned. I have my excuses, my reasons, all that lovely nonsense. I still feel like a right schmuck.

It's taken the patience and gentle prodding of friends like Saora and Kenny to return me to a place where I can create again. I owe them a lot. I was horrified when I realized I couldn't write. I'd sit and stare at a screen or even a pad of paper for hours and come up with nothing. Not even a sentence. I've had writer's block before but this...this was different. The events beyond my control had consumed me to a point I'd never found before, and one I hope to God I never find again. It was terrifying.

I owe Saora an apology for suddenly dropping off the face of the earth, abandoning her story, frightening her.

I owe Kenny a mountain of thanks for acting like my disappearance never happened and randomly handing me an opportunity to work within an amazing new universe I'd never seen before.

She reminded me that people care about me.

He reminded me that if I can still breathe I can still create.

Saora's Benediction: Icecrown Citadel will resume its Monday updates. By the time it has been completed, I hope another project has fallen into my lap. If not, I'll just have to create one.

After years of writing things because someone told me to, I'm writing something I want to. I started another story for my friend gina-su, aka Saora, a long, long time ago and never finished. Figured I'd get back into it, revisit my Warcraft characters and that whole universe I was so obsessed with for so long.

I've missed my girls.

Though the story is about Saora, it's also a farewell/love letter to my old guild, Zodiac. I made a lot of friends there, learned a lot about myself, gained a surprising amount of confidence. I'll always remember them fondly and miss them terribly. This story is my way of thanking them, without getting all mushy and weird about it.

Oh, yeah, and there's people Saora knows too

Well, not REALLY. Just having a fun trip down Nostalgia Lane.

Since my last rant filled posting, I've graduated college (finally) and found a steady office job, one of those 9 to 5 things. With this stability, I'm able to do things I want to do. Saving money is the hard part, what with all the medical issues happening in my family lately. But once I do, we're going to the movies, baby. I have a completed short script I'd love to film. Well, really, I have two, but I'd rather focus on just the one first. I even have the main location scouted already. Just need to save.

Otherwise, thinking of starting my own comic webseries. Again, money is needed to pay an artist, but I'll get to it.

I'm still just glad I'm no longer in college. Man, that was exhausting! Whoever said dedication was the most important thing in achieving your degree wasn't lying.

Ever tried to keep up with college assignments, personal goals and a virtual social life without the Internet? It's horrifying. Not only do you have to attempt to find some place with free Wi-Fi that you can mooch off of (if you're not lucky enough to have some brain-dead owner that didn't password protect their wireless signal), it's next to impossible to get what you need when you think about it. Before, at home, I could remember something or think of something I wanted and two seconds later it's be up on my screen. Now I have to jump in my car (really my mother's car, mine was left at home) and drive almost 20 minutes to check my e-mail. It wouldn't be such a complete bother if I wasn't in class. But I'm in class. It's awful.

Then there's the forced RL socializing. Now, I'm not a sociable person to begin with. I'll put up with it at work or among family because I know it makes other people happy (or boosts my paycheck). When I'm at home, I can offset that uber socializing with hours of gaming. I knew it helped me relax, but I never realized just how much clobbering people as Batman in Arkham City or blowing the heads off zombies in L4D2 really calmed me down.

Today will be my fourth day without a game to relieve frustrations. I can feel the stress building in my chest. Even my calming exercises and meditating techniques aren't helping. I thought I could handle it, even being around the mob of children I have to call cousins. I'm not so sure anymore. I'm afraid I'll snap at one of them or, worse, at my mother. She tends to take the brunt of my loss of patience, even when she doesn't deserve it. Especially when she doesn't deserve it. I'll just have to think before I speak, weigh my words more carefully. People might think I'm mentally damaged with how slow I'll have to respond, but the alternative is far worse.

If I could talk to my friend, it'd be all right. He always knows how to calm me down, to redirect my attention to something stupid that will make me laugh and release all this pointless irritation. That's another thing that sucks about this trip. I need some kind of distraction. Maybe the movies I brought will help. The new books do.

It's official. I have a "pro" dA page now. I'll be using it to post my weekly short stories and use that as my "professional webpage".

God, remember the good old days where writers could sit in a room, hovering over their typewriter, and live out their days broke, depressed and forever alone? Now we have to be social, connect with people, allow more than our cats to read whatever we create. Damn you Internet...

This page will still be my fangirl fun page. I'll fav any gorgeous pictures here and be a bit more relaxed than over there. Cause, let's be honest, this profile pic is way too cute to go to waste!

Pro page:
jenniferv1311.deviantart.com/